Poly Philosophy Versus Self-Identification

We’ve been having weekly poly dinners on the farm lately and the main topic from this past week was about how we each classify polyamory and “what counts” as poly. Specifically, there was a question about whether swinging is poly. Some folks were in the camp of “everything that’s not monogamy counts as poly” and others were more in favor of both swinging and poly being subsets of a broader umbrella term such as “open relationships” or “non-monogamy,” with polyamory focused on “many loves” and swinging as just sexual. One person disliked the term “non-monogamy” because they don’t like being identified as not something.

Shortly after this conversation, I listened to two podcasts from Polyamory Weekly that dealt with this very issue:

http://polyweekly.libsyn.com/pw-385-everyone-is-doing-poly-wrong-the-podcast

and the follow up: http://polyweekly.libsyn.com/pw-388-its-not-about-you

(it’s also on itunes at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/polyamory-weekly/id74071760?mt=2)

I personally agree with the host’s position that while we may have different definitions of poly or think that relationship models should fit a certain way in the grand scheme of things or that something is or is not poly, the way that people choose to self-identify trumps our opinions. When someone self-identifies as poly and it doesn’t match your definition, it’s useful to ask clarifying questions from them or say something from your own experience instead of saying “well, that’s not poly” and being all judgy and pushing them away without support. Also, I found it useful to remember that there’s not one ultimate definition of monogamy either =:-)

Also, this infographic is really cool if y’all haven’t seen it before:

Tacit’s Map of Non-Monogamy

Skirting the Issue

At community dance parties, I have long been enamored of boys dancing in their hippie skirts. I enjoy seeing guys in skirts in general, but there’s something about watching them dance real hard in flowing peasant skirts that is really aesthetically pleasing for me to watch. Of course, the next thought I have is, “Well, if they look good in skirts, maybe I would too!” So, I gave it a shot!

I found a rainbow tie-dyed skirt in commie clothes a couple weeks ago and put it over my jeans right before dinner (it was still a bit chilly out). I felt slightly self-conscious since it was my first time wearing a skirt around the community and it’s been a reeeeealy long time since I’ve worn a skirt in general. I was very anti-skirt while growing up and while I was still seen as/identified as female. However, there’s something about being a boi in a skirt that somehow makes it ok again for me.

Anyway, the dance party was awesome and I really did enjoy the way that I could dance with the skirt on. There’s just something cool and beautiful about the way it moves around when I dance that pleases me. Also, it was the first party where I literally danced my pants off because it ended up getting super toasty and I took off the jeans I had on underneath the skirt. I also ended up taking my shirt off, which was cool. I felt a little self-conscious just because of general body image issues (read: feeling fat), but decided to ignore that part of my brain and just have a good time. One of my friends said that I look more butch in a skirt than I do in pants, so that’s fun =:-D

Ok, so I didn’t look this butch, but yum =;-)